After yesterday’s post about death, I decided to write about something a little more lighthearted today…dating.
Since becoming a single mom, I’ve not had another “dating” relationship. I have made attempts a few times at getting to know someone new but it seems like nothing ever comes from it.
About a month ago, I thought that was going to change. I found myself talking/texting a real life cowboy. (Sorry to all my friends and family for keeping it under wraps. I wanted to see how things shook out first.) Let’s just call him “Luke”.
Luke seemed to be just what I was looking for. He had similar interests and dreams and even had the same religious upbringing as me. And I ain’t going to lie, he was pretty easy on the eyes too.
All of the other dating attempts had only gone as far as to text but Luke picked up the phone one day and actually talked. I liked that and talking to him seemed easy and fun like talking to an old friend.
Most of these calls took place as he was on the road…going to pick up feed for his cows or going to buy fencing supplies. He always seemed on the go with his farm and his work. But I did have “hard worker” on my wish list for a future relationship and he definitely fit the bill.
Luke loved the idea of homesteading so I didn’t think much of it when he asked me about what I could contribute to a homestead lifestyle. Could I work a garden? Could I can? How was my cooking and baking skills? I kinda found it unusual to be so focused on that but at the same time I found it intriguing. After all, movies and stories of a man and woman working together to provide for their family always seemed so romantic to me.
But one day, Luke asked me one too many times. I fired back at him asking how much he was willing to contribute to household chores and yard work and his answer was, “Some, but I don’t have a lot of time.”
Of course, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he meant he wasn’t going to be able to sweep, mop, do dishes or laundry and still manage to get farm work done. And I wouldn’t have expected him to.
But then his lack of time excuse happened again and this time there was a smidge of anger behind it. I told him that he needed to go to a local farm that has a lot of fun fall activities and he answered back, “You don’t understand. I don’t have time for that stuff.”
Click. With that one sentence, my brain finally told me what my heart wanted to ignore. He wasn’t looking to spend time with a wife and a family. He was looking for someone to keep the home fires burning while he was chasing cows. He was basically researching me like a piece of farm equipment. And a tractor, I am not.
So I let Luke know I was calling it quits, erased his number, and never looked back.
It was a little disheartening to give up the first glimmer of hope that I’ve had at having a relationship but I knew that it had to be done.
So what have I learned from this?
I’ve learned that dating as a single mom is going to be a lot trickier than it was before I was a mom. I’m not just looking for someone to make me happy, but someone to make May happy as well. If a man doesn’t add value to both of our lives, he don’t deserve to be in them.
I’ve also learned that even though I’ve lowered my standards when it come to certain things, my standards for a partner have been raised. And I think the reason for that is I only want the best for my daughter.
I’ve learned that if I have to convince someone of my worth, then I’m worth more than they can be convinced.
And I’ve learned that it’s not worth putting up with a bunch of bull just to have a handsome cowboy!